Embarrassments and Humiliations

This morning I woke up earlier than usual, which usually means God is trying to tell me something I probably won’t hear once my day gets crazy. So I put on the coffee and made my way out to my porch swing where I sat until my daughter Madison came out to catch the school bus at 6:30. I called her over to sit with me and the following was our brief conversation...

Me- "Good morning baby girl...I sure love you..."
Madison- "I love you too..."
Me- "You doing good"?
Madison- "Yep...
Me- "I'm praying for you today..."
Madison- "I'm praying for you too..."
Sleepy pause as I sip my coffee...
Madison- "Well Dad I gotta go..."
Me- "What?! You've still got time to sit with me...we can see your bus coming half a mile away..."
Madison- "Dad, I HATE running for the bus...I look like such a dork!"
Me- "So you mean to tell me you'd give up one more minute with your Dad rather than risk looking like a dork?"
Madison- "Yep...gotta go bye!"

A quick kiss on my cheek and she was off to the bus stop, at what I am guessing is an appropriate "cool" gait for a 14 year-old girl. Of course my parting shot was to yell as she was half a block away, "Whoa there girl...better slow down...you’re starting to look like a dork!" To which she shouted back "I get that from you, Dad!" I guess it doesn't break any "cool" rules to yell while walking down the street.

As always, God uses the most unexpected scenarios to speak to me...and this morning was no different. I know that there is a certain amount of natural awkwardness that comes with the territory of being a teenager. Almost all of us can remember the time in our life when our parents starting cramping our style a little. I mean, I don't know of any self-respecting 13 year-old boy who wants to have his mother walk him to the bus stop and kiss him on the cheek as he leaves. And obviously even teenage girls need a certain amount of space during this season of life. Thankfully, both of my daughters still think that their Dad is somewhat "cool" and I'm still welcome to approach them in the school cafeteria with minimal fallout.

However, I recently picked up on the fact that Madison was sharing some things with her mother Alisa that she was not sharing with me. Being the "bull in the china closet" I asked her why she didn't feel comfortable talking to me about it, and her response was a tearful "because it's embarrassing". Now for the sake of the women who will read this, please let me say that I know she's a young lady and even though I'm her father, I'm still a guy. I am more than willing to concede that her mother is a much better pick to have certain conversations with...but absolutely NOTHING will change the fact that as her father I want to know every single thing about her life...the good, the bad, the ugly, and especially the embarrassing! I love her more than I love life itself and there is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do to protect and cover her. My greatest desire is to do everything possible to help her grow up into that amazing person she so longs to be...

In an instant this morning on my porch swing, I realized that I am exactly like Madison...I treat my Heavenly Father the exact same way. I am so quick to thank Him for all of the great stuff He's doing in my life. I am more than happy to share with Him the moments that I feel I've done everything right. I've even grown more comfortable taking the tough stuff to Him...but I am just like a teenager when it comes to life's embarrassments and humiliations, both of my own making or otherwise. I realized this morning that there are all sorts of places in my heart where I have not allowed my Father to go. For all of my so-called spiritual maturity I still think that I can somehow block Him out of those places...when in reality, that’s the very place I need Him the most and the place He so longs to be.

I guess it all comes back to the pride that rests in all of our hearts. It's nothing more than a repeat episode of the garden of Eden...for whatever the reason, we find ourselves undone, humiliated, and embarrassed, and the first thing we do is grab a fig leaf and try to cover it...which we all know is a truly futile act. Though I guess in the end the fig leaf actually does hide something, sadly, that one thing happens to be the affection of the one person who can rescue us from our mess.

It became clear to me this morning that embarrassment and humiliation always indicates a wound, and a wound always needs to be treated to heal properly. When was the last time your prayer sounded something like "Father, I feel so embarrassed/humiliated because of this...please come and heal my heart". Honestly, it was uncomfortable and unnerving to let the Holy Spirit start dredging up some of my own junk this morning, but there is something deep inside all of us that wants to be free from those cages. Somehow we know the angst is worth the freedom that follows.

So maybe now it's your turn...still got some things you'd rather not deal with? Still got some memories from that past that haunt you at night? I challenge you to trust a loving God to meet you right in the middle of it. I'll let Romans 8:1-2 say it best..."With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christ's being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death". (The Message)

-Michael Farren